Dealbreakers.
17August 4, 2011 by Kristen
We all have dealbreakers. Those characteristics of a potential love-interest, that once noticed, make us suddenly have to “wash our hair”* every Saturday night from now until eternity. Here are a few of mine. Sadly, many are from firsthand experience.
Dealbreakers:
- Favorite bands are Creed, Nickelback, and Three Doors Down.
Self-explanatory. - “I don’t like war movies. I just can’t stand the blood.”
Band of Brothers marathon tonight?–oh. you rented Up & want to snuggle.** Which leads me to… - Attracted to men.
Surprisingly not a deal-breaker for some women, but I don’t think I could overlook this one. Sometimes I appreciate being told I “look nice,” when in reality I’m a hot mess. A sassy gay-friend will call you out everytime. - Cat person.
This isn’t that big of a deal–I just don’t like cats and would intentionally torment any cat within a 5 foot radius of my person. - Bench-presses less than I can.
It would be nice to think that a guy could protect me if push came to shove. Literally. Like if a fight broke out. - Mouth-breathing, side-hugger.
I have not encountered this combination together in one person–but can you imagine? The horror. - Asks me to define words or beseeches me not to “use such big words.”
Get a dictionary. You can start by looking up “beseech.” - Likes to play Monopoly.
This one might be unfair. I just loathe Monopoly with every fiber of my being. I would prefer not to pass go and literally head straight to jail. I’m confident that purgatory is one never-ending game of Monopoly. - Muscle tee, gold chain, and uses phrases like, “come at me, bro.”
Just can’t overcome that language/cultural barrier - Uses your/you’re, too/to/two, and their/there/they’re interchangeably.
Grammar is sexy. - Jean shorts.
Unless paired with New Balances & a tucked in polo. Hawt. - Tweets pictures of every meal.
Personal preference on this one. Oh, you’re a chef? Then maybe it’s cool. - PBR drinking hipster.
Well maybe I could like a hipster. Ironically, of course. - Judges me for watching The Bachelor/ette
I promise I’m not shallow.
Any I missed?
*How did this even become an excuse? No one ever says this. Ever.
** This is quite nice on occasion.
Light in her eyes 
HIGH FIVE FOR NUMBER ONE.
First off, the Urban dictionary page titled, “Nickelback sucks” – http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nickelback%20sucks
And secondly, #10 rings true for us all unless “their” an idiot.
“probably the worst band in the world right now.” ha ha ha. I feel guilty because I met Chad Kroeger once b/c my ex-boyfriend was Canadian and knew him (Canadians stick together). He was really very nice.
ha ha! Love the deal breakers! Especially Number 2 and 9!
In fairness to us hopelessly skinny guys, being able to handle yourself in a fight isn’t necessarily tied to brute strength. Self-defense tends to teach more about leverage than strength because everybody — even skinny people! — can leverage leverage.
But, to borrow Mandie’s vocabulary: definite high-fives for Band of Brothers.
fair enough 🙂 I should add the disclaimer: must be able to leverage, leverage
If I could have worked “leverage” in there as an adjective, I would have done it.
love number 10! 🙂
Looking over the list again…I’m fully on board with #8, but I’d add Risk, too. I like games, but Risk isn’t a game. I don’t know exactly what it is, but it isn’t a game. Games are fun, and Risk isn’t fun.
Risk is terrible. This coming from a girl who loves war movies…I foolishly played it once thinking it would be fun. Thank you for bringing this up this important addition.
Love the blog.
I only have one guy friend who likes Creed — any girlfriend of mine best remain musically pure. Said friend knows how I feel about it. Shaky ground. Shaky ground.
Alas, I could make a solid run at passing the first thirteen. I could try faking fourteen for an amazing woman, but who am I kidding? I’m not beyond cuddling on the couch to the Bachelor, simultaneously biting my tongue. Call me disingenuous.
What if you are just a pet person in general? You definitely prefer dogs, but you have cats because that’s all that’s allowed at your apartment. Because other than that one, I’m in like Flynn. ;oD
negotiable. Just remember the whole reserving the right to “intentionally torment any cat within a 5 foot radius of my person”—so…it would really depend on your depth of love for your satanic critter and any ties you might have with PETA.
Define “torment”. I regularly douse the two of them with a squirt bottle in futile attempts to impose my will, but that only lasts for as long as it takes them to clean themselves.
Also I beat them regularly for not being dogs.*
*I’m Michael Vick and I approve this comment.
Also, regarding #8; how do you feel about Scrabble and/or Words With Friends?
Having a BA in English, I should be better at Scrabble than I am. I haven’t gotten on board the Words With Friends bandwagon for this reason. However, I am a Scattergories champion & I will get inappropriately heated if someone tries to pull shenanigans when playing…
That’s how I feel about euchre and Catch Phrase. 😀