Roommate Wanted


July 14, 2012 by Kristen

A few weeks back, I was trying to reply to a post for a roommate. My mother and girlfriends did their best to help. This turned out to be a more difficult task than I had originally anticipated. In attempts to sound “personable,” it started to sound more and more like I was replying to a personal ad. Here’s my best attempt…how many responses do you think I would have gotten?

Hello, my name is Kristen. I’m a young professional. And by that, I mean that I’m not quite at my quarter-life crisis, and sometimes I wear pleated dress slacks to work. In my free time I spend excessive amounts of time marathoning television shows, having spontaneous dance parties, and writing a blog that only a handful of people read. In terms of my personality, I can be pretty satirical and am prone to fits of laughter. Just ignore it, join in, or quietly sedate me. I’m pretty mild-mannered and handle conflict by kicking the crap out of a punching bag. I’m relatively tidy, if you can overlook the cereal bowl, stapler, and discarded clothes in bed with me right now. I’m a serial napper; if my door is closed for a couple hours–I’m most likely still alive, in a self-induced coma. Don’t worry about checking in until my mom calls you multiple times to ask if I’ve been kidnapped. I can’t fold fitted sheets, but I possess other valuable skills including: an ability to create a playlist for any life event, meme-making, and asking really riveting questions, such as: “Would you rather date someone with: pizza teeth, Cheeto hands, or Dorito breath?” [Difficult choice, right? Don’t pretend you’re not thinking about it…]  Anyways, let’s go halfsies on a bunk bed. No pets right now, I’m still training myself to perform basic life tasks.  Call me if you’re interested.

Anything I should have included or taken out? What would your roommate ad look like? 


4 thoughts on “Roommate Wanted

  1. Fernanda says:

    I think it’s witty, funny, and personable.
    I would have totally picked you!

  2. good2begone says:

    Love the halfsies on the bunk bed. I snorted with laughter!

  3. G Fresh says:

    You should include what you’re looking for in a roommate along with what you wrote about yourself, i.e., “If you like Nickelback and/or have cats; especially if you’ve name the cats after members of Nickelback, I’m definitely not the roommate you’re looking for.”

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