July 14, 2012 by Kristen
A few weeks back, I was trying to reply to a post for a roommate. My mother and girlfriends did their best to help. This turned out to be a more difficult task than I had originally anticipated. In attempts to sound “personable,” it started to sound more and more like I was replying to a personal ad. Here’s my best attempt…how many responses do you think I would have gotten?
Hello, my name is Kristen. I’m a young professional. And by that, I mean that I’m not quite at my quarter-life crisis, and sometimes I wear pleated dress slacks to work. In my free time I spend excessive amounts of time marathoning television shows, having spontaneous dance parties, and writing a blog that only a handful of people read. In terms of my personality, I can be pretty satirical and am prone to fits of laughter. Just ignore it, join in, or quietly sedate me. I’m pretty mild-mannered and handle conflict by kicking the crap out of a punching bag. I’m relatively tidy, if you can overlook the cereal bowl, stapler, and discarded clothes in bed with me right now. I’m a serial napper; if my door is closed for a couple hours–I’m most likely still alive, in a self-induced coma. Don’t worry about checking in until my mom calls you multiple times to ask if I’ve been kidnapped. I can’t fold fitted sheets, but I possess other valuable skills including: an ability to create a playlist for any life event, meme-making, and asking really riveting questions, such as: “Would you rather date someone with: pizza teeth, Cheeto hands, or Dorito breath?” [Difficult choice, right? Don’t pretend you’re not thinking about it…] Anyways, let’s go halfsies on a bunk bed. No pets right now, I’m still training myself to perform basic life tasks. Call me if you’re interested.
Anything I should have included or taken out? What would your roommate ad look like?