April 10, 2012 by Kristen
I recently read a friend’s status update, lamenting the fact that she was short on “boyfriends/brothers.” It got me thinking about how useful boys really are. The following is a list of reasons why men are especially useful…
1. Moving Stuff.
I have moved in and out of apartments and it’s a brutal process. Without the help of the men in my life, I would have had lawn chairs for furniture and a blow-up air mattress. Women trying to move heavy things often leads to broken stuff, broken nails, and broken friendships. But with the help of men, you simply point and boom! a bookshelf appears fully-assembled in your bedroom. It’s truly magical. If you provide pizza, the results are even better.
2. Packing a car.
There is a drastic difference between a car packed by women and one packed by men. On family vacations, I had no fear that all of my stuff would fit, because miraculously, my dad could always arrange it all in an orderly fashion. When I know I’m going on a trip with girls, I pack conservatively, knowing that we’ll just throw our stuff in and hope it all fits. On my last trip, I was certain to inquire, “Will the boys be helping us pack our car?”And when I found out that they were…I packed another bag. And yes, it fit just fine.
3. Boy humor.
I enjoy boy humor. Watching Pineapple Express or Anchorman is just so much funnier with a group of guys. I only quote those movies with guys. Maybe it’s the pretense you have to put up with girls, thinking, “I can’t actually laugh at this, or she’ll think I am a warped, twisted human being.” But with boys, you already know that they are warped, twisted beings…so you are free to laugh your head off, judgment-free.
4. Building fires.
I don’t know how to start a fire. This is missing from my diversified skill set. I fear this could prove a problem during the impending zombie apocalypse.
5. Specific chores.
Growing up, my sister and I were primarily responsible for the inside chores, like dishes and vacuuming. While I have stained a few decks, and painted an entire basement ceiling (never again!), I definitely appreciate it when the guys shoulder most of these responsibilities. Thanks to my father, brother, and brother-in-law, I have not installed a hardwood floor, tarred a roof, or even mowed a lawn. While ladies certainly can do these things, and I’m sure many are probably pretty good at it…I prefer providing the lemonade instead. (Note: I’m only a feminist when it suits my self-interests. Like most feminists.)
Sometimes boys struggle with this, but a well-timed, genuine compliment can uplift a girl’s spirits so much more than the same compliment from a female friend.
7. Manly stuff.
Am I going to shoot cans off the end of a dock with the ladies? Probz not.
8. Walking you home.
I have never asked a lady-friend to walk me to my car. I did however, once walk a girlfriend to her car in a big city. In an empty parking structure. At 2am. I was terrified. It’s much better when a guy offers to walk you. My brother once showed up with a baseball bat to walk me to my car after class…I felt pretty safe. (Turns out the bat was part of a demonstration he had just given at his “Zombie Club” meeting where he serves as “Master of Attacks.” I’m pretty proud.)
So why else are boys useful? Besides beating zombies with a baseball bat? Also…I pretty much stereotyped males in this post. Uhm. Yeah. Apologies?