April 8, 2012 by Kristen
I wrote a letter a few months back entitled “Dear Girl,” which was a collection of thoughts directed toward women, but mostly to myself. This is another one of those things.
So, life has not turned out as I planned. I “grew up”–though most of the time I feel like a liar calling myself a “grown up.” I pursued my dreams—grasping at them as they changed right before my eyes. It is laborious to chase a dream that keeps changing. You get a weak grip on the corner of it, and then it quickly morphs into something else entirely, as you realize that thing was not at all what you wanted. You find love and it leaves. Over time, it dawns on you that it was not the kind of love you wanted at all. You pursue your own personal ambitions and realize that they will never fulfill. Time to get a new dream.
I thought “dreams” were fixed—something you strove for until you finally achieved them. Like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, eventually, it’ll be yours. I hate that idea now, because once you achieve your “dream”—is that it? That can’t be it. Say that isn’t it. You find that pot of gold, only to immediately shift your gaze to a more alluring rainbow, with promises of a whole treasure trove at its end. It’s a messed up cycle. And in this mess of dream chasing, it’s easy to forget who you even are.
And there’s the problem…it’s not about who you are and what you want. It’s about Whose you are and what He wants. Getting ahold of that shifted mindset is the only way to avoid the futility of chasing rainbows.
So, life hasn’t turned out as I planned…and I’m so grateful for that.