Status updates

10

March 25, 2012 by Kristen

Facebook status updates are a thing to marvel at. I pose this question: what if we were honest in status updates? I present you with the typical status update and what I think it really should say.

What it says: I’m sorry I’m not perfect. No matter how hard I try, nothing is ever good enough.
What it should say: Guys, I desperately need attention. Please provide me with validation about my self-worth. Also, tell me I’m pretty.

*        *         *         *         *         *        *        *        *         *         *
What is says: I just can’t stand fake people. Forget all of you. I’m done.
What it should say: I feel as if I have been wronged by people I have deemed as “fake.” Note: I am the only “real” person left on the planet, except for when I too, am also fake.

*        *         *         *         *         *        *        *        *         *         *
What it says: *depressing song lyrics*
What it should say: Will someone please ask me about my feelings right now? I need to talk. Bring ice cream.

*        *         *         *         *         *        *        *        *         *         *
What it says: *picture of food* YUM!
What it should say: It is dinner time, and like many Americans, I am partaking in my evening meal–which is decidedly more delicious than the 2nd bowl of Lucky Charms you’re about to consume.

*        *         *         *         *         *        *        *        *         *         *
What it says: I can’t wait to hang out with all my girls tonight! LYL. sistas for life! ❤
What it should say: I have friends. I have a social life. Please be slightly jealous of my life and find my social interactions intriguing.

*        *         *         *         *         *        *        *        *         *         *
What it says: All this wedding planning is so stressful! So much to do…so little time.
What it should say: I am relishing in my engaged glory with all the attention it affords me. Also, I am engaged & you’re not.

*        *         *         *         *         *        *        *        *         *         *
What it says: I can’t believe how screwed up my bracket is right now.
What it should say: I watch sports and know about them. I am pretty much a professional athlete by association.

*        *         *         *         *         *        *        *        *         *         *
What it says: My baby eats/poops/cries so much. I can’t take it!
What it should say: I’m sorry about all the previous status updates counting down the days ’til the birth of my little darling.Turns out babies are the worst. Anyone want to babysit indefinitely?

*        *         *         *         *         *        *        *        *         *         *
What it says:
The boy left me the cutest note and flowers in the car. How did I get so lucky?
What it should say: My boyfriend is better than yours. Also, I have a boyfriend and you probably don’t.

Any status updates I missed? 
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10 thoughts on “Status updates

  1. I like the song lyrics one the best. ASK ME ABOUT MY FEELINGS NOW, MY LIFE IS 231432% MORE COMPLICATED AND MORE DRAMATIC THAN ANYTHING YOU COULD EVER GO THROUGH

  2. gingerjudgesyou says:

    hahahaha I love this post! You forgot the cryptic Facebook status updates! The one’s that are inside jokes that only select people understand.

    What it says: T minus 5 days.
    What it should say: Something fabulous is happening to me in 5 days but you’re not important enough to know about it so I’m reminding the people who are important enough to know about it. Also, I have friends and a life, envy me.

  3. Amanda Beyer says:

    Haha these are so true Kristen! The people whose statuses I like to read are ones like yours! These just kill me too:
    http://the-frenemy.com/post/9326914921/the-friends-i-have-on-facebook

  4. Hiiii says:

    Sour Grapes…

  5. Can we please include those people who put as their status EVERY DAY how far they ran? (i.e., “4 miles today! Going for 5 tomorrow! Feeling Good!!!!!!)

    ….And if they don’t get to run that day, they put a status up about how their life is ruined.

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