Top 40 Breakdown–bring on the pain. T-Pain.

5

February 3, 2012 by Kristen

Greetings everyone. The Billboard Top 40 continues to astound me with thought-provoking, deeply insightful lyrics from some of America’s brightest and best. This week I take a look at the song “5 o’clock” by T-Pain.

[Lily Allen]

It’s 5 o’clock in the morning (Coffee is brewing. Time for a shower. Wakey, wakey, eggs and bac-ey…)
Conversation got boring (…wait, what? my alarm clock just went off. don’t even try talking to me for at least another hour.)
You said you’d go into bed soon (Into bed? Preposition-use fail. Are you guys going to sleep? What’s happening? I’m confused.)
So I snuck off to your bedroom (Were you hanging out? Had you been talking on the phone and you snuck into his house? Girl, you’re raising some serious red flags right now.)
And I thought I’d just wait there until I heard you come up the stairs (Creepsauce. Remind me to pick up a restraining order for Master Pain.)
And I pretended I was sleeping (Also, Ms. Lily Allen, the men in the pretty white coats will be arriving shortly to take you for a little ride. Shh. Try not to struggle.)
And I was hoping (girl, you can’t even formulate a complete thought right now. T-Pain can’t read your mind. You were hoping what exactly?) 

[T-Pain] (I’m T-Pain, you know me. Imma buy you a drink and stuff.) 

It’s 5 o’clock in the morning and I want ya (oh, of course T-Pain is into these shenanigans.)
And you want me don’t ya (It’s unclear what she wants. I kinda think she might be planning a crime…)
I can see it (Good. Enlighten the rest of us, because: WHAT THE HECK)
‘Cause you’ve been waiting on me since I said that I was hittin’ the club (oooh son, you went out without your girl? it’s starting to make sense now…)
Something coming up on me and I know you be getting so horny (such a classy expression. and are you sure you’re not talking about yourself?)
Cause you be sending me texts like, “Boy just get your a** up in that car and come get all of this love” (Obviously a woman who respects herself. Thanks for furthering upward progress for women! Hooray for the end of misogyny & objectification!)

[Lily Allen]

(It’s 5 o’clock in the morning) (So, no time has passed. Time is standing still. Literally? Metaphorically? Like, your love stops time? )

[T-Pain]
You ain’t got to remind me (Sounds like T-Pain is getting irked. Or perhaps he carries a timepiece that he checks frequently.)
She already said if I don’t come home on time she might go crazy (Master Pain, [may I call you Master Pain?] me thinks she crossed the point of “crazy” quite some time ago.)
And she’ll be waiting on me naked with one of my chains on (TOO FAR, chick. Also, that does not sound comfortable. And probably a bit chilly… especially since T-Pain doesn’t seem like he’s in any hurry to head home.)
She might come and find me (T-Pain, that would seriously shut down your mad game in the club)
And then ask me kindly do I want her to go crazy (I don’t picture her asking this passive aggressive question, “kindly.”)
We do this every night (Every night? Obvious question: how can you stay up until 5am dealing with this nonsense, every.single.night? Do you sleep through the day? Hook up an IV of Redbull? Mr. Pain, are you participating in recreational narcotics?)
And then we always wake up singing the same song (Like the birds in Cinderella? Only with a warped, twisted message…likely taking a violent turn for the worst…)

T-Pain. This song is painful. Maybe a full night’s rest would result in improved quality. Just a suggestion. 

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5 thoughts on “Top 40 Breakdown–bring on the pain. T-Pain.

  1. lheathman says:

    pah ha ha…Master Pain. You crack me up

  2. G Fresh says:

    Reading those lyrics makes me want to cleanse my musical palette with some Nickelback if that tells you anything.

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