November 1, 2011 by Kristen

RESPONSE:Very handy with a lightsaber. Able to secure a DeLorean DMC-12. Safety not a concern given my immortality. Insist on being paid in Trident Layers. Fluent in: Wookie, Elvish, and hipster. This is not a joke.

RESPONSE: Equally unemployed average-girl with unkempt hair due to a penchant for jumping in leaf piles. Cool hand Luke-ish hands. Able to whistle both parts of “Heart & Soul” at the same time. Seeking a handsome rake with chiseled cheek bones comparable to those of George Washington of Mt. Rushmore.

RESPONSE: I’m a fan of athletes, borderline mature, semi-independent (live with my parents). 22 years old, but I live like I’m 33, with an appearance between 14-25 given the setting and my outfit choice. I’m a single white female and a perpetual student with a distinct skill set. My height permits me to wear high heels. A lady either never mentions her weight or lies about it. Dark brown hair and green eyes. Define non-drinker?–a human being can only survive 3-5 days without the intake of water. Heavy smoker–I smoke fools at Scattergories and in laser tag. I’ve never been married and have few dependencies. Currently seeking a male companion who enjoys my company. Understand DNA from 10th grade Bio, using gumdrops and toothpicks to replicate. If I had been interested in finding out more, I would have been a bio major and subsequently more employable.


6 thoughts on “Wanted:

  1. brooke as in brooke harris says:

    kristen, i can never get enough.

  2. I like the title below Handsome Rake: “I NEED A WOMAN!” At least he’s honest.

  3. gabriella says:

    LOVE IT! (people are weird.)

  4. Rachel says:

    Hahaha! (Yes, please interpret the set of three and encouragement.) Genius! The last one was best. My roommates are upstairs giggling at me laughing out loud as I read. Again. Wandered over via GFresh cause the title caught my eye. Glad I did. I’ll be back sometime!

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