October 25, 2011 by Kristen
So the wedding season for this gal came to a close this past weekend. Each wedding was lovely, made me teary-eyed, and proved to this cynic once again, that love really does exist. Maybe I shouldn’t mention it has become somewhat of a tradition for my best friend and me to whisper “love is a lie” at bridal events…
Speaking of traditions.
I’ve already seen the bridesmaids file down the aisle in dresses they totally can not “shorten and wear again.” The vows have been exchanged. The cake has been cut and served. (Hopefully the bride and groom didn’t smear it across each other’s faces. I predict the length of one’s marriage based off the cake cutting…cake in face=divorce.) I’ve done the awkward blink-really-fast-while-looking- upward to disguise my misty eyes during the first dance. The DJ has opened up the dance floor, my ungodly uncomfortable heels have been kicked under the nearest table, and I’m shakin’ it like a saltshaker. All is well in wedding world.
But then the music fades. The DJ says something along the lines of: “Can I get all the single ladies out on the dance floor? All the single ladies. It’s time for the…”
“All the Single Ladies” blares and I don’t even try to hide my disgust. I find myself being pushed out onto the dance floor by my happily-married (and somewhat smug) friends. I stand off to the side in defiance and make zero attempt to catch the abysmal bouquet.
Notice my positioning at my sister’s wedding. I’m the one in the mint green pistachio floor-length dress I can totally shorten and wear again, strategically avoiding the fight for the bouquet in the center. I’m only standing in the front because it’s my sister–I had to show some support as the MOH.
So why is the bouquet toss a terrible tradition?
1. It singles out the single women. Hey, some of us are fine with the single situation. We don’t need the reminder that we are at a wedding and alone in life.
2. It’s an act of revenge. Let’s be honest. Brides are making up for all the times they were forced out onto that dance floor. They relish in our misery. “Dance for it wenches,” they cry. (…well, maybe not to that extreme.)
3. It puts the single women on display for the single men. Not always a bad thing mind you…but sometimes a terrible thing. Fellow bouquet avoiders, you know what I’m talking about.
4. It makes some men uncomfortable. So your girlfriend of two months just caught the bouquet. Pressures on, sir! She is now looking at you with a dreamy smile, as visions of taffeta dance in her head.
5. Women are vicious and out of control—this tradition emphasizes that stereotype. I have seen women leap into the air, claws gleaming under the disco ball, as the bouquet sails in slow motion toward their vying grasp. It’s terrifying.
So will this be a tradition I toss out the window at my own wedding?
Please see point number two.
What do you think? What other wedding traditions should be tossed?