“the girl” vs. “the friend”


September 7, 2011 by Kristen

I had a great conversation with a wonderful friend recently.

We were discussing being “the girl” or being “the friend.” Let me give you some definitions to better explain what I’m talking about.

“The Girl”–there is something magnetic about her that guys are drawn to, like moths to a flame. She’s pretty of course–but she also has that “it” factor that you can’t quite put a finger on (because if you could, you would mimic it, right?) Her magical power over men is almost mystifying.

“The Friend”–friends with “the girl.” (Perpetual wing-woman.)

Guarantee ladies know what I’m talking about. Usually most women want to fit in the first category—the girl who is approached first, has the luxury of juggling several gentleman callers at once, and is confident due to the validation she receives via the attention she gets from the boyz (the plural form of cute guys. obviously). No one really wants to just be “the friend”all the time.

But…is being “the friend” really so bad?

Walking downtown, carrying our high heels in the rain–I began to whine about always being “the friend” and growing a little tired of it. I mean, wouldn’t it be nice to just once be the girl that someone notices from across the room?  However, my girlfriend didn’t really join in with my complaining as I expected. (Hey! Our feet hurt. We’re tired. Let’s lament about our love lives a little bit…come on, it’s only fitting!) Instead, she took a mature route and told me that someday we would be “the girl” for one man—and also that we’ve learned to find our value and self-worth in Someone else because of our role as “the friend.”

Yes, I think I’d rather be “the friend” until I’m “the girl” for just one guy.

Thank you Katie for reminding me of that. Thank the Lord for always sending wisdom my way when I act the fool. (up in hurr, up in hurr.)
Proverbs 27:17


6 thoughts on ““the girl” vs. “the friend”

  1. Thank you for referencing the only time that night I showed maturity. My immaturity was raging on the dance floor.

    Love you girl. 🙂 I’ll be your perpetual wingwoman when that guy comes around fo sho.

  2. melissa says:

    I LOVE this, and you might not notice the feeling of an intense love glare from across the room but id put money on the fact that it has prob happened to both of you ladies! Maybe not at a club or a bar (even though it prob has) but thats not really the guy your looking for anyways, you want the cute coffee house guy that remembers your order in hopes that one day you will notice his love glare haha

  3. HopefulLeigh says:

    Whoa. Can I ever relate to that lament. Great reminder and perspective!

  4. abbywebb says:

    LOVE your blog Kristen! I’m always happy to see great Christian ladies living their life and being awesome…not just sitting around being sad and single like so many do. I can relate to so many of the things that you are saying and it definitely makes me laugh!

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