September 4, 2011 by Kristen
When you’re a chick, inevitably a lot of conversations with girlfriends will turn to dating and marriage. (And unfortunately, many conversations with relatives may drift toward this topic, usually against my will.) Here’s a bit of wisdom of gleaned from these conversations, as well as from experiences and observations. Some of them are lessons learned the hard way, or things I’m still trying to let take root in my life.
-Don’t ever throw yourself at a guy. Just lightly toss yourself. Keep it classy. Sage advice from my best friend.
-Women these days seem really into bald men. Or most men these days are just bald. The chances of ending up with someone who’s bald is higher than ever. (this insight is courtesy of my father. now all I do is notice women with bald men.)
-It’ll all work out in the end. It’s the middle that’s the hard part.
– “Christian crushes” are usually not real. Usually you’re on the prowl just being observant when you notice a cute boy from afar holding the door for his mom. Then you witness Mr. Chivalry-Is-Not-Dead lift his hands to praise Jesus during the church service. Some Facebook stalking browsing later that evening reveals an entire album of him single-handedly building wells for little African children. At that point, your china pattern is already picked out and it’s for sure true love. OR, you’re just a victim of the “Christian crush”—proceed with caution.
-It gets easy to forget what it is that you really want sometimes and merely settle for your present reality. Don’t settle just because you’re scared.
-1 John 4:19. He loved me first. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. All I could ever want. It took me far too long to realize that—-too many unrealistic expectations or dependence on love from a person. Relationship status: single. But I have never been unloved.
-What are your ends? Is it finding the “right”guy? Following Jesus should be our ends, not our means. We don’t seek the Lord in hopes that we’ll get blessed with Mr. Right & finally get that lasting marriage. That very well could happen (and I hope it does!)–but it’s not the ultimate goal in life.
-That being said, respect women with different goals. For some women, being married is a top goal in life. I struggle to relate to women who only want to be someone’s wife. But there’s my problem, already labeling it with “only.” Admittedly, I’ll never relate. (Stay-at-home mom is a full-time job, but stay-at-home wife? I don’t get it.) However, I still need to respect these women and understand that God has just created us differently.
-Resist the urge to throw your computer out the window when Facebook notifies you that your friend’s 18 year-old sister just got engaged. This next step is even more difficult: don’t give in to the desire to critique said person’s life’s choices over coffee with your girlfriends. So hard not to do. Rejoice in other people’s happiness & just leave it at that.
-And when you do end up in a relationship, remember these wise words from Elisabeth Elliot: “A man’s love for a woman ought to hold her to the highest. Her love for him ought to do the same.”